The Right Questions or the Right Timing

Today I'm missing the serene spirit of waking up on your own land, with no one around but the wind, speaking with the trees. And the sun rays, dancing with the leaves.

I haven't shared publicly what happened that caused the loss of our acreage, or how we ended up without a home base of our own, because it's just a moment in the past, and we are confident we'll get the personal family safe haven of our own we've been waiting for when the time is right.

For now, we're helping other families learn what we know, so they can come away from their own storms for safe Harbor now and in the coming days. But one thing that comes back to my mind often, is what would happen if I shared? Would those that took part in the wrong doing apologize?

Do I need that apology?

Should I express this insecurity, so professionally people understand more of why we're doing what we are doing, in the way we are doing it? Would it clear up perspective in our leaders eyes? Would friends that follow rumors see truths and re-connect?

Do I even want them to?

Often times in life we don't get to speak our piece. We end up stuffing down the words that make up the whole story and readers only get the snippets expressed by lesser words. Over the last 4 years, I filmed, documented, and saved all of the correspondence, contracts, videos. Photos, bills, emails, etc. That had to do with our property in Jameson Missouri.

Specifically because I learned a long time ago that documenting is important, and we wanted to use the video content for sharing education anyway. But when we were wronged, I didn't publish the facts of the situation. I didn't fight it, I didn't blabber names on social media, I didn't take anyone to court, I didn't flash contracts in anyone's face, I didn't get a lawyer, I didn't get.. anything. I didn't want to ruin another person's life by making a scene for them when they had so many other things going on.

And I didn't want to ruin a friendship I thought meant something despite it all. I continued to document and record. But I don't share. In retrospect, I am caught between what happened and what my family deals with on a personal level every day sense because of it.

Here at home in Missouri, People think we're wishy-washy. Fleeting, and make different decisions than they would. And when we ask for help here from majority of people we knew a year ago, we're viewed as having put ourselves in the situation we're working from. It's their fault I suppose, they just don't know. Nobody knows the details of what happened that lead to each point of action we've taken.

I was told once in council when in i was frustrated emotionally about it, that "The things that matter to you, don't matter to other people". I think that was an important distinction between the way I see the world and its contracts, and the way the world sees them. I put God in my business. I bring religion to school. I choose morality over profit margins. I find flaws in profitable and thriving agreements when agency's at stake for one party or the other. I don't accept ultimatums, not because the choices are bad, but because you have me one.

I don't work with people that care more about themselves than others, even when theirs money to be made and they have a great product or biz.

I don't want to help twist the truths in the world by participating in things that don't jive with the millennial world I want my kids to grow up in. I'm tired of seeing friends follow 'Nehors' for "income rivers". Truth be told I have an old story that has eaten me alive for a year, and the last 8 months while we've been traveling and teaching with good people across the whole country. And I know our Non profit, or consulting company could secure land and build something for people here In a big way, and others by demonstration, etc. and I know I can find safety and solace for my own family at any moment if I choose to go somewhere else.

And I know there's amazing people and places in every corner of the country. I just don't think i want to be anywhere else. And what I don't know yet, is the Lord's back up plan for my family's home base. And I suppose I haven't asked in the right way yet, or the timing is wrong.

But I'm human, and it's Sunday. So this story is on my mind again.

I want to do all we're doing for others. Its been beautiful, and we have many more goals and ways to support families. But I want to do it for my own family again also. Sometimes it's rough to step outside and know I can't plant my garden, because it's an RV park, and we're not done yet. We have more work to do, and more people that we're being connected with. We're making a difference. But, no matter how beautiful it is, in the end, I'm just a dad, a husband, and a Gardener. And I don't think it's right to Shake off the feeling there's a story to tell.

I suppose I'm just not sure how to tell it, without hurting some people I care about, despite the truth. And I've been caught between my love for them, and whether or not they deserve it. These photos are from the land we called home for a year, right before it was swept out from underneath us(quite literally).

And the last photo is one of our camper this week at an RV park not 40 minutes from that land.

We get many incredible views now that we're traveling the country sooner than we expected to be (by a year or two at least).

But these places we visit are not home.

Originally, we were going to build out what we called "Faith Havens" for a year before we started traveling and teaching, but we had to skip that step because we put our trust in the wrong place, and we're made to leave it. I'm still bitter, obviously. And am working through that still, almost 9 months later. But I'm starting to think I won't be able to let go if I don't speak my truth about what happened. In any case, my faith is strong. We'll have our own Haven again Soon enough. For now, this view will have to do. And we've got lots of people to help with their own havens, and many of them in our corner as we grow together as a people nationally.

Here's to the Next 4 months, I Can't wait to see what's in store from here.