Is that a Bribe or a Promise?

Ever feel like you need to bribe your children to do school?

If I'm not taking good care of myself, I will find myself bribing the boys to do school more often.

On my good days, if I wake up first, go for a run, shower, make food, I find that I am more conscious of my words and intentions.

Instead of bribing them, I approach them first with a promise. And yes there is a difference. A promise is something you make with them for doing a good deed. Or doing what they should. Fulfilling their end will give them the reward that was promised before they were asked to accomplish said task.

Bribing and threatening come into play when there's already a power struggle in the home. When your intention to teach discernment and guide them is not fully there.

For example:

Before church, if you tell your children in the car. "Don't yell or misbehave! If I find out you're running through the halls, you will go straight to your room when we get home!" (This is a threat, and is intended to scare your children out of doing what you really hope they won't do. But it doesn't teach them how to discern right from wrong, nor does it teach them what To do!)

If you are in church and your child is misbehaving, you pull them aside and say "if you stop misbehaving and you calm down, I will give you a treat when we get home!" (This is a bribe and is intended to immediately stop the behavior and give instant satisfaction.

They may stop the incorrect behavior, however what they learned is, they can get a treat/reward if they act up in front of you. And it will work out in the end for them. This also doesn't teach them how to discern right from wrong. Nor does it teach them why.)

Explaining before how they should act, why, and what will be waiting for them at home when they follow the rules, is how I have found the best method.

Promises.

Subtle reminders about the promise they made to you will help keep them learning from their mistakes, rather than scaring them into getting your way or bribing them and letting them get away with it!

A lot of the time, we can make our children lose interest in the things we're hoping they love, because of OUR approach to the scene.

Yes, they make their own decisions. However, if we do not approach them with correct principles and methods, we can expect damaged results.

Results that will need to be fixed later in their life or yours with therapy, medications, hours and days, or months that are preventable with the correct methods of guidance from parents.

And if you feel like you've missed the shot with your kids, take deep breaths, and don't stop. There will be more moments where you can reroute and get back on the path.

It's a learning experience not only for them, but for us as their leaders.

And because it's a learning experience, don't be so hard on yourself, but remember to take accountability for your part so it can be fixed!

We must expect the guidance to come from within the home, before it comes from outside.